Cute Quotes About Life for Her tumblr About Love for Girls for Your Boyfriend about Friend Photos : Funny Cute Quotes Cute Quotes About Life For Her Tumblr About Love For Girls For Your Boyfriend About Friend Photos

Funny Cute Quotes Biography

Garth_RogersI want someone to look at me, the way that I look at Chocolate Cake.

LoIf life is a bitch then make sure she's a good looking one!

Relationships are like yard sales, they look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but then you realize its just a bunch of crap you don't need.

Dear Crush, don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on Christmas Eve. Sincerely, You Were On My Wish List.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And now a word from our sponsor'.

A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

Carl Sandburg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

Theodore Roosevelt

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.Oliver Herford

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Anthony Burgess

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Terry Pratchett

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

W. H. Auden

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Casey Stengel

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Elayne Boosler

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Bertrand Russell

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Bill Cosby

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Robin Williams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help.

Alex Haley

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Robin Williams

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Richard Dawkins

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.

Elon Musk

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Henny Youngman

Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.

Edward Abbey

Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

E. B. White

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Mae West

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

Jane Wagner

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

Bill Hicks

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

Paul Simon

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Funny Cute Quotes Cute Quotes About Life For Her Tumblr About Love For Girls For Your Boyfriend About Friend Photos